On October 6th of last year, I gave birth to the cutest baby boy I have ever seen on their first day in this world!
(I’m sure every mother says that about their babies)
Lucas Rey is his name and in Hebrew that translates to King of Light. He is SO the light of MY world!
MY JOURNEY OF EMOTIONS:
Amazing is the only word that I can use to describe this experience thus far. I never knew that I could love another human the way that I love my son. I mean granted, I love my husband, I love my parents and my brother, but this love right here… it’s incomparable.
Let me be honest though, it wasn’t until RECENTLY that this feeling took over me like a rush of adrenaline.
So let’s talk about this because I know that I’m not the only one who got the same delayed reaction that I did!
I’ll start off with my pregnancy. Well, Lucas was our little surprise baby. My husband and I went to the doctor one day to get some preventive medicine because we were going on vacation and SURPRISE, we were told that I was pregnant. Utter shock is not a good enough statement to describe the way that we felt. “Seriously?”
That was our response to the doctor and nurse. We looked at each other, and said “No way” and the doctor looked at me and said “Yup, but I can do another test just in case.”
Of course, I agreed to that and obviously, the results were still the same.
So here I am pregnant, but because I’m very thin, I don’t even look it.
It wasn’t until about my sixth or seventh month of pregnancy that my husband looked at me one evening and said “Wow! You’re getting big!” What a compliment huh?
I went through my whole pregnancy feeling like I was dreaming. “Am I really carrying a baby in here? Am I really going to be a mom?” Those were the questions that ran through my head daily.
Fast forward 9 months and the day finally came when Lucas decided to make his grand appearance. I couldn’t help feeling so excited, yet still so nervous! The grace of God was definitely upon my life that night because I was in labor for only five hours, and after twenty-two minutes of pushing, my beautiful baby boy was born at 3:01 am. You may be saying “Oh five hours is nothing!” Well honey, five hours was enough for me!
Some may say child-birth is beautiful, I think it’s insane! It’s insane how much pain our bodies can tolerate and it’s insane that despite the pain, we choose to go through it again when we decide to have more babies!
Anyways, I am blessed to have been able to go through that experience but let’s talk about that “love at first sight and immediate connection” between mama and baby that people talk about. — I did not have it.
I was in so much pain that I didn’t even realize that my husband got to hold the baby first! When the nurse put him on my chest shortly after, I STILL couldn’t fathom the thought that the little baby that was laying on me was all MINE!
Friends and family came to visit and immediately tried to justify who he looked more like, me or my husband? The majority ruled that he had more of my features than my husband’s but I didn’t see the resemblance. We took him home and introduced him to Bella, our fur baby, we showed him around the house, and then we put him in his bassinet. It was then that I sat next to him and stared at him as he slept and the realization that I was now a mom started to creep up on me. As the days went on and we started to figure each other out, our bond began to grow.
I think that it was sometime within his third month when I went to get him out of his bassinet one morning that he greeted me with a smile. My heart melted like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day! I felt butterflies as if I were in middle school and just bumped into the love of my life.
I immediately texted my mom and told her what happened, “Isn’t it great?” was her response.
That was the feeling that I was waiting to feel from the moment he was born!
But it’s okay, better late than never right?
We are FIVE months in and Lucas smiles every time he sees my face.
He loves to hear my voice and stares into my eyes whenever I’m feeding him.
I look at him and I get emotional just to think that God saw it fit to pick me, out of all of the women in the world, to be the mother of this amazing little boy. I can’t picture my life without him!
And that ladies, is how I encountered motherhood. Every day I learn something new and that’s what makes it so wonderful.